It’s no secret that we are now becoming more self-aware of toxic actions whether it’s within ourselves, or whether it’s the people that we surround ourselves by. Along with this self-awareness comes a place where you start to learn and see behaviors and characteristics within people that no longer serve you and that are no longer healthy with them being in your circle or in your life.

Nowadays we have so much access to information to allow ourselves to simply be better humans, and with being a better human you want to continue to surround yourself with other humans who are taking the same steps to be better as well.
Even in the midst of bettering yourself, sometimes it’s get rough, confusing and lonely while setting boundaries and becoming a newer and better version of yourself. A lot of second guessing can happen because people can drop out of your lives so quick and fast once you start to set clear boundaries and stand by them, but I just want to be there to reassure you that you’re on the right path.
Now just so that we are clear, I am no therapist, psychologist or anything of that matter. I am just someone who has invested in a lot of self - help and luckily to have had therapists to help guide me in the right direction, and I just want to share all of the things I have learned on my journey that has helped me.

1. Be clear & confident when setting your boundaries

   Once you start to set your boundaries, the people that benefited from your previous actions aren’t going to like it very much. A lot of times instead of respecting your boundaries they will find all of the ways to guilt and gaslight your actions to make you think you’re the one with the issue, not their blatant disrespect for your feelings. Be confident and stand your ground with whatever your boundaries are. The people that respect you and value your feelings will act accordingly, and those are the people you want to keep around. Others who are toxic and manipulative will find ways to still have their way because they simply don’t respect you or your boundaries, and it will be at that point you will know who to cut loose from you circle or your life.
   

2. hold people accountable by their actions and not their words

   Manipulative people know how to use their mouth piece to have their way. They will say all the right things to make you think and feel that they respect you, they will change, etc. , but if their actions are matching then it’s time to to look a bit deeper into the situation.
   
   Are they continuing to do actions and say things to you that you have respectfully asked them not to? When you mention their actions to them and how they make you feel, what’s their response? Are they sorry, but keep doing the same thing over and over again? If the actions and words aren’t aligning together and you find yourself constantly repeating yourself about your feelings then chances are this person(s) are manipulating you. For whatever reason they are stringing you along and just to tell you what you want to hear to keep you around for their benefit, whatever it may be.
   

3. Become careless about other people’s opinions about you

When you are on the path of choosing you, the people around you aren’t going to like it. They are going to notice the control they no longer have of you and will do all they can to make you feel horrible and guilty about it. Whether it’s to your face, or you hear it from others, they will have a mouth full to say about you.
Toxic and manipulative people don’t like being put in their place of their own wrong doings, so when you set boundaries and hold them accountable, to them it’s almost like, “The audacity of you to acknowledge my disrespect!” They will begin to gaslight you and tell others that YOU are crazy and YOU are the one with the problem. Simply because you called them out on their nonsense. When they do this, don’t allow yourself to fall into their trap of opinions and second guess yourself, because that’s exactly what they want.
If they have a mouth full to say about you, let them. That is completely out of your control and there is no need to stress and worry about the opinions of others. At the end of the day, always remember that you are doing what’s best for you!!!

At the end of the day it’s always best to do what’s best for you. On your healing journey it can get pretty confusing and lonely because you’re literally watching the old you die away, and new you come to life. You’ll start to see the true toxicity in people surrounded by you and be shocked how many of these people benefited off of old behaviors you had.
Stay strong and stay true to your journey of becoming a better version of yourself.

Xoxo,

Britt